Teens: How do you learn to control your anger? Activity 22 & 23
Dr Gowher Yusuf
Hal 3rd stage, Bengaluru Feb 9, 2017
Source: The Anger workbook for Teens by (Raychelle Cassada Lohmann, MS)
By using I-messages to express your own feelings and building good listening skills that help you understand how others are feeling, you can defuse anger provoking situations.
Communication is an important part of working through anger, and being a good listener is an important part of communication. Listening well helps you connect to the person you are upset with so that you can understand each other better.
Good listeners share these characteristics:
They pay attention to the person who is speaking.
They keep eye contact.
They show interest by nodding or by smiling at appropriate times.
They make sure that they understand what has been said by repeating it in their own words. For example, a good listener might say,”Do you mean that...?”
They let the other person finish his or her thoughts without interrupting.
They ask questions if anything is not clear when the speaker has finished.
Think of the time when you were a good listener.
What was the other person talking about?
What did you do to show that person you were listening?
How did that person react?
Now think of a time when someone listened well to you.
What were you talking about?
How could you tell that the other person was listening carefully?
How did being listened to make you feel?
How can listening help defuse anger?
Being complimented makes most of the people feel good on the inside. On the other hand, being torn down is likely to make someone feel humble and often leads to angry feelings.
Put a check next to each sentence you can use to compliment someone. Put an X next to those sentences that would tear someone down.
§ Your help was really important
§ I am very proud of you
§ That’s stupid
§ You never do anything right.
§ You did a great job!
§ You aced the test.
§ You screw up all the time.
§ You are really nice.
§ I could not have done this without you.
§ You are so lazy.
§ I can’t stand listening to you.
§ You are hopeless
§ You are a great friend.
§ You always listen.
§ What a whiner you are!
§ I can’t tell you anything.
§ You are so trustworthy.
§ You are a nerd.