Teens: How do you learn to control your anger? Activity 26

Source: The Anger workbook for Teens by (Raychelle Cassada Lohmann, MS)  

Activity 26:

Assertiveness means standing up for yourself and communicating your feelings without harming others or violating their rights. Being assertive rather than passive or aggressive is the best way to get along with other people.

In communicating, some people are passive and some are aggressive, but the ones who are usually liked best assertive. Let’s say you hear that a group of your friends are going to the movies on Friday night. You have not been invited but would like to go.

These three reactions can help you see the difference in communication styles:

Passive: “I am not doing anything Friday night. Anything going on?”

Aggressive: “I will be there. What time and where?”

Assertive: “I would like to join you. Is that okay?”

Being assertive means

Speaking up for your rights while still respecting the rights of others;

Calmly and clearly expressing how you feel;

Being confident;

Not letting others impose their feelings and beliefs on you;

Being able to say no.

These questions will help you see how assertive you are.

Do you volunteer your ideas even if they are different from others’ ideas?               Yes             No

Do you ask questions when you don’t understand something?                             Yes             No

Do you say no without feeling guilty when you don’t want to do something?           Yes             No

Do you speak up when others try to take advantage of you?                                 Yes             No 

Do you face difficult situations rather than avoiding them?                                    Yes             No 

Can you take criticism without getting angry?                                                     Yes             No

Are you able to express your feelings and be receptive to how others feel?            Yes             No

If you answered no to at least three of these questions, you might want to revisit these earlier activities:

Using I-messages

Good listening

Body language

Communicating clearly

Remember, you have the right to express how you feel about things. You have the right to say no. You have the right to speak truth. You have the right to disagree. You have the right to be you! The more you practice being assertive, the easier it will become.